Evil Needle

I dunno. I’m not much of a blogger.

But if ever there was an issue that I can’t keep mum about, this would be it. If I were told to just forever hold my peace, I simply, will not be at peace. In fact, I would burn and blister from within with the fury of a thousand suns!

While I’m generally a non-confrontational person who would be more than happy to agree to disagree on most topics, this particular issue has been weighing heavily on my heart. It is a burden I simply have to bear. And believe me, I have done my fair share of bearing (through gritted teeth) but I simply cannot tolerate this no longer; I need to say my piece.

About what, you may ask?

Well, the Anti Vaxxer community of course!

Although it is my professional opinion that Anti-Vaxxers are the scourge of the Earth, I will now go out my way to try explain myself. Sure, I may not be the utmost authority on this issue, neither is it my responsibility to re-educate the masses. But we are coming close to a crisis point, and if we don’t do something about this epidermic (of a behavioural disease), we risk crossing the point-of-no-return. Besides, being a legit medical practitioner, I guess I do have a say on this issue, if not much at all.

*Before proceeding, I would advise that one, at the very least, is aware of who Andrew Wakefield is and what he stands for. If you have no idea who this guy is, a quick Google search should fix that. Do that before proceeding to read the rest of this piece. (If anyone besides my wife should read it at all)

I would also like to do anyone who reads this a favour, by not parroting the many things that have already been said by many published scholastic articles regarding this issue. Instead, I will like to offer a fresh perspective on this issue by meeting my would-be debaters at a halfway point; let’s just cut the crap about Andrew Wakefield and begin with the (hypothetical) assumption that…

YES! I BELIEVE THAT VACCINES CAN CAUSE AUTISM!!!

Caught your attention now, haven’t I?

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way (and off my chest. Phew!), let’s begin.

You see, the problem I find with most arguments online between the Pro-Vaccines and the Anti-Vaxxers are that they are stuck in a limbo, arguing into eternity about whether vaccines can or cannot cause autism. In the wake of the Wakefield Controversy (see what I did there?), The Anti-Vaxxer would support their claims by sharing pro Andrew Wakefield articles… maybe they share a few scholastic articles (few are peer reviewed or have strong evidence score), some share videos on youtube and articles from naturopathic websites or tabloid opinion pieces, but most would share their personal anecdotal experiences or hearsays of what happened to their aunt’s thrice-removed cousin’s grandpa’s nephew (or something to that extend). The Pro-Vaccines drop scores and scores of links to published scientific papers (many are published after Wakefield’s) that show no link between the MMR vaccine and Autism, articles disproving Andrew Wakefield’s findings, evidence to suggest it (the Wakefield paper) was fraudulent, even to pages that announce that the controversial Lancet article has been retracted, to no avail.

I would like to attempt this argument in a different way. Let’s start by assuming that I believe everything the Anti-Vaxxers are saying about the Evil-Needle. Let’s just assume that VACCINES DO CAUSE AUTISM.

What now? Do we throw out all the vaccines into the fiery depths of hell? Admit defeat and go back to live on trees?

No, we move on to the next part of the argument; If vaccines do cause Autism, should we or should we not still vaccinate? The argument now moves to the pros and cons of the Evil-Needle (I imagine myself saying this in an evil scientist supervillain voice, what? You guys never heard of one?) i.e. risk vs benefit. Does the risk outweigh the benefit? Or is it the other way around?

At this point, I imagine closed minded Anti-Vaxxers would go “No way! There is absolutely no benefit at all. The Evil-Needle is all risk, and no benefit!!!”

This almost reminds me of a scene in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, where Batfleck goes…
“If there is even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, then we have to take it as an absolute certainty!”

Except I would like to think some Anti-Vaxxers are not beyond saving. Maybe if you would open you mind to what I have to say, to have a dialog instead… then I won’t have to resort to screaming the phrase “Please, save Martha!!!”

(OK, I promise, that would be the last of any Batman v Superman reference. Let’s get serious!)

Ahem! Ahem!

So, I recently had to argue with a fellow doctor on Facebook. He was a Consultant Nephrologist, and he was an Anti-Vaxxer. Can you believe that? Can you believe that I tried to argue with someone on Facebook? I mean, who has ever won an argument of Facebook anyway? What an utter waste of time, right? Except it wasn’t. Arguing with him gave me some insight into the mind of an anti-vaxxer. It helped me understand them a little more.

Basically, he was arguing with someone else in a closed Doctors-only Facebook thread/group, and what especially irked me was this phrase where he said:
“I rather my son contract measles or chickenpox and the small risk of complications than risk autism or other neuropsychiatric complications from vaccines…”

For which I had to snarkily respond by saying:
“… Yeah sure, small inconvenience for you, right? While your kid contracts the mild form of the illness, he also helps propagate a disease that should have already been eliminated, and some random 6-month-old infant somewhere gets to die and early death.”

For which he replies: “Well if I know there’s a risk of autism with the vaccine, I certainly am not going to allow my son to be exposed to that risk…”

Blah blah blah… If there is even 1 percent chance that Vaccines are Evil, then we have to take it as an ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that the Needle is Evil!!!

(Oops! I did it again)

We went on for a while. This intellectual game of fencing. But because I took too long to respond at times (after all, I’m a busy GP who has to see, sometimes, up to 50 patients in a day) the thread got cold. And I’m not that rude to go reopen old threads like some people (Internet Ethics 101 anyone?) so... Yeah. We left it at that.

But that was when I realised that that was the Anti-Vaxxers main concern! They have felt that if there were any risk at all, then the vaccine was not worth it. And that is where they’re wrong!

Back to my argument. Assume that vaccines do cause autism. What would you attribute the risk to be? 1 in 10,000? 1 in 1000?  A 1 percent chance?

Of course, real world scientists have proven no link between vaccines and autism. But let’s imagine a hypothetical situation here where vaccines did cause autism. In fact, let’s go further and assume that ALL AUTISM CASES IN THE WORLD WERE CAUSED BY VACCINE AND VACCINE ALONE. How’s about that, huh? Sounds absurd, but if we’re having a dialog with anti-vaxxers anyway, let’s dial up the crazy all the way there.

Okay. So, we take that one CRAZY assumption, what numbers would we arrive at?

Walk with me here, guys. Let’s ask Google…

What’s the current world population?
The current world population is estimated to be 7.6 billion people.

What’s the worldwide incidence rate of autism?
A 2012 review of global prevalence estimates of autism spectrum disorders found a median of 62 cases per 10,000 people

Ok, It’s 2018, but let’s just take that amount and dial it up a little to say, 65. 65 cases per 10,000 people. 65 per 10,000 in a world full of people (that’s 7.6 billion people like we counted earlier) should give us
0.0065 x 7,600,000,000 = 49,400,000 about 50 million people in the world now living with autism

What percentage of the world is vaccinated?
As of March 2018, it is said that about 85 percent of the world's children receive vaccines that protect them against tuberculosis, polio, diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis, and measles.

85% of 7.6 billion?
0.85 x 7,600,000,000 = 6,460,000,000
That’s about 6.5billion people in the world who has received the Evil-Needle

So, if we take all these crazy assumptions, and feed it into the MultiVac (old Asimov joke, I bet nobody is getting this but heck), what do we get?

Well, let’s see, if all 50 million cases of Austism in the world right now is caused by vaccination (and vaccination alone. No confounding factors whatsoever. I know! Crazy right?), then likelihood of getting autism from the Needle is 50 million in 6.5 billion. Okay, let’s work with that.

50,000,000 out of 6,500,000,000. That’s 0.76923077%

This means that there would be a 0.77% chance that he is our enemy vaccine can cause Autism. Or in other words 7.7 in every 1000 child receiving the vaccine would become autistic.

(Now don’t shit your pants, this is a crazy overestimation on top of a hypothetical assumption that all autism cases were caused by vaccine ok? So, chill out)

So, we’ve done the maths. What does this all means? Well, it means that, in the worst-case scenario, about 7 to 8 in every 1000 child who gets vaccinated might develop autism. The worst-case scenario.

Does that seem like a risk too much to bear? Well, to some, I’m sure it is. It’s not even 1 percent, but I’m sure that’s big enough a risk to scare some people. Should we then abandon the practise of vaccination altogether? Discard all the MMR vaccines into the Big Bin of Oblivion?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But we’re talking about risk versus benefit here, right?

What’s the benefit of vaccine?

The prevention of easily preventable diseases, right?

Let’s talk about Measles.

What is Measles?
Well, it’s viral infection, caused by the Measles Virus. Simple enough.
It usually presents with a bout of fever (high grade, usually greater than 40* Celsius), a sore throat, cough, runny nose, and inflamed eyes. Symptoms typically lasts only 7-10 days. Doesn’t sound too bad right? But here is where it gets interesting. It’s got a complication rate of 30%, which may include diarrhea, sepsis, pneumonia, blindness, meningitis or even encephalitis (inflammation in the brain, may even lead to permanent brain damage). Some of these complications, yes, you’ve guessed it, can lead to death. But so what, right? The death rates can’t be that high, right? Well, guess again!

“In populations with high levels of malnutrition and a lack of adequate healthcare, mortality can be as high as 10%. In cases with complications, the rate may rise to 20–30%”

10-30% death rate.

That’s 10 to 30 percent of everyone who gets infected.

So what, right? It’s not like everyone gets infected, right?

Let’s ask Google. What was the incidence rate of Measles before the invention of the vaccine?

“In the decade before 1963 when a vaccine became available, nearly all children got measles by the time they were 15 years of age. It is estimated 3 to 4 million people in the United States were infected each year. Also, each year, among reported cases, an estimated 400 to 500 people died, 48,000 were hospitalized, and 1,000 suffered encephalitis (swelling of the brain) from measles”
https://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/history.html

What? Nearly all children? No way!

Alright, I tried searching and searching but I couldn’t get a number of what the incidence rates were like before the 1960’s. Not surprising, back then the reporting system may not be as efficient as it is now. 

“Not all cases were reported to the public health system; from 1956 to 1960, an average of 542,000 cases were reported annually.” https://academic.oup.com/jid/article/189/Supplement_1/S1/820569  
This was in the US alone!

Before the 1960’s…
“seven to eight million children are thought to have died from measles each year before the vaccine was introduced. Before the vaccine, epidemic cycles occur every 2 to 3 years, and virtually everyone experienced measles illness during childhood. Lifelong immunity is provided by natural infection”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_measles

Alright, I looked everywhere. The consensus seems to be that “almost” everyone got Measles. Those that survived, well, they survived! Those that didn’t, it numbered to the millions. Imagine a time when children died in the millions every year!

I input that 30% death rate into our calculations so far. Remember, this is but a hypothetical exercise…

30% death rate on everyone?

30% x 7,600,000,000 = 2,280,000,000

What’s 2.2 billion deaths? That’s about slightly less than a third of the world’s population being wiped out.
You know what? If Thanos wanted to rid the Earth of a third of its population, all he’s got to do is destroy the vaccines! Simple enough huh? Hmmm…

That’s 2.2 billion deaths, worldwide, a year!

Alright, let’s put things into perspective here…

TAKE THE BLUE PILL

We vaccinate, 7 or 8 in every 1000 (hypothetical) child who gets vaccinated might develop autism.

TAKE THE RED PILL
We don’t vaccinate, 2.2 billion people gonna die every year.
And that’s just Measles. I haven’t it touched on Mumps, and Rubella, and practically every other preventable disease in the world!
AND SEE HOW FAR DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE GOES…

Which is worse? You do the math!

I’m done. Typing this made me feel sick to the stomach and pissed off beyond social media acceptable levels. I’m not sure how some people can look at this numbers and go,

“Oh, I don’t care. I don’t wanna subject my son/daughter to the Evil Needle. I don’t care if other children gonna die. I just wanna protect my precious little spawn. You can’t force me! I know my rights! As sure as the Earth is Flat… Never!”

Pfft.

Scourge of the Earth.

- Dr Jickson Ng

Your Friendly Neighbourhood GP

The Parable of the Impatient Patient

There was once a patient who came down with a common cold. He went to see a doctor, and was told that he was simply suffering from a common cold.

The Physician said unto him "Verily I tell you, the disease will run its own course, and surely you will recover in 5 days or so."

He paid RM15 for the consultation (and some medications, for symptomatic relief) and went home to rest.

The patient woke up the next day feeling the same as he felt the day before, so he thought to himself "Maybe I should go and see another healer. Surely the first one did not treat me adequately"

Thus, he set off to see another doctor to seek a second opinion. The second doctor concurred with the first, saying that the patient was only stricken by a common cold, but because the patient insisted, started him on a course of antibiotics. The patient paid RM30 for the consultation (and the antibiotics) and gladly went home to take a rest.

However, on third day, the patient felt that he was not well enough, and thus he went to another doctor for yet another opinion. The third doctor told him that he appeared to be improving, and that he should just continue (and finish) the medicines he was prescribed. But the patient insisted that he be given more potent antibiotics, and so this doctor also gave in. The patient then paid RM60 for the consultation and antibiotics, and went home to rest.

On the fourth day, the patient was still not satisfied with the condition of his health. So this time, he went to a pharmacist and demanded for the most potent and effective medicines. He had to pay RM100 for them, but he was glad as the pharmacist had given in to all his requests (with no questions asked)

On the fifth day, the patient woke up feeling much better. He thought to himself "I have recovered! Surely it was because of the expensive drugs I bought from the pharmacy yesterday. I shall seek out the first doctor and tell him of this." And saying so he went to look for the first doctor to share the news of his recovery.

The first Physician however, rebuked him, saying "You fool! Did I not tell you that the illness would run its own course, and that you would recover in exactly five days? You had spent a total of RM205 for nothing! I tell you the truth! Repent and turn from your evil ways"

Those who have ears, let them hear.

Shall I Compare Thee to Time-Dilatation?

Darling, do you remember our talk about Time Dilatation? I think we discussed it (in great lengths) shortly after watching the movie, Interstellar.

It's a theory in relativity which,  according to Wikipedia, is defined as "a difference of elapsed time between two events as measured by observers either moving relative to each other or differently situated from a gravitational mass or masses."

Simply put (kindly bear with my own somewhat noobish understanding, mostly based on having read science fiction growing up) it's a cosmic event that causes two individuals to perceive (or rather, experience) time differently, usually due to the difference in their locality (where they are in the galaxy),  the speed in which one is travelling through space (especially where FTL speed is involved), or in the case of what happened in Interstellar; the difference in gravity (i.e. time moves slower where gravity is greater so that if a person is near a black hole, where gravity is so massive that nothing can escape, not even light, time gets slowed to a halt)

In the movie, Cooper, the protagonist, fears that he might never see his daughter Murph again because as he travels near a giant black hole, time is slower for him than it is for Murph. Thus while Cooper only ages a few hours, Murph, on Earth, is aging eight decades!

In the same way, whenever I'm with you, time seems to behave differently as well. It really shouldn't. I mean, after all, apart from the strong "gravitational pull" of the physical attraction we have for each other (which really doesn't apply to the science of relativity or time dilatation), we're both experiencing the same gravitational force on Earth as everybody else, so really, time shouldn't move any different for us than it does for everyone else in this world.

Yet, whenever we're together, time seems to slow down around us, but moves at the normal speed for the rest of the world. Once we're apart and time gets adjusted, it seems like more time has passed than we've actually experienced. You know what I mean, right? You used to say that it feels as though time moves a lot faster whenever we're together i.e. like when we were still dating, an entire day would go by and yet feel as if we've only spent an hour or two together. But in actuality our time is moving slower than everyone else!

Basically,when we're together, it's like we're on Gargantua (and experiencing time as Cooper did) while everyone else on Earth was experiencing normal time (like Murph did).

But. What causes it???

I've given this much thought and then, one day, it hit me like an epiphany! Remember what happened in the movie when it was revealed that the only force greater than gravity (and time itself) was... You guessed it! Love?

And that explains everything! It's the great love I have for you (which is even greater than the Earth's gravity!) that causes time to slow down whenever we're together!

And that's why even though it feels like it was only yesterday that we had that first date at that fancy Italian restaurant near your old work place in KL and I asked you if you believed in "love at first sight" and you said no, and I said "neither do i" and wham! 6 years have gone by (was it 6 years? All this time dilatation is confusing me) and woah! DARLING! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR ONE YEAR!

It's amazing how you still make time stand still for me whenever we're together. Especially when we're having so much fun together. You're the only person I can talk to about anything (also about the only person in the world who would layan my Sci-fi theories) and I love that about you. Let's keep the Force (Love) strong in us and continue to bend Time and Space Continuum (Oh but that's another theory for another day) whenever we're together! I love you darling, and now that you're my wife, I shall love you forever more! Happy 1st year anniversary my love.

DISCLAIMER: I just realised that this post may have contained spoilers for those who have yet to watch Interstellar, the movie. So if I did spoil the movie for you I'll just have to say... Too bad! You weren't the target recipient of this letter/post anyway. This was originally intended for my wife's eyes only, and she's already watched the movie anyway. No hard feelings.

Incision & Drainage

There is a disease
That corrupts the core
Swelling pustules
Filled with hate
A putrid scent
Overwhelms the senses
Clouds judgement
Gnaws the conscience.
A disgusting shadow
Vile immorality
A nagging pain
So deep within
Ugly, irregular
Undying, malignant
Angry, Infected
Selfish and proud

This part of me
It needs incision
My bleeding thoughts
Must be cauterized.
Drain out the scum
This foul perception
The burning desire
The spreading cancer
The old is gone,
the new has come
Burnt flesh, remnants
Left on the ground.
I bite my tongue
Block out the pain
A sharp tipped scalpel
Cut myself free

When at last I
Awake to smell of petrichor
Cleansed of filth
Cured of disease
I walk away
And leave behind
A rotten carcass
My former self

A Scientific Creationist's Love Letter

Random ramblings of a bored clinician in the wee hours of a new year... 

Remember how I said 2014, for the most parts, was going to be remembered as the year we planned our wedding? Well, I guess I was right... For the most parts. 

But 2014 will also be remembered as the year I finally got married to the Girl of My Dreams (GOMD). Yes. I just said it. I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but when I was younger I once wrote a list of 27 things I'd expect to find in the GOMD. The list included shallow things like how she'd be pretty and kind and God-loving etc, to specific (and somewhat peculiar) stuff like how she can speak really good english, how she'd totally get my brand of humour, how I'd expect her to be able to speak in a thick British accent and how she's exactly 32% sarcastic, 25% a hipster etc etc. 

The thing is (and little did I know) I've gone ahead and set the bar pretty high for myself. In fact it may seem a little out of my reach even at that time. So I set myself out on an adventure (or a vendetta, I would sometimes convince myself) in search for the GOMD. At first, the search was filled with much enthusiasm and spirit, but hope of such a discovery began to wane with time. I would equate my predicament to the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (otherwise known as the SETI project), which was a really big thing back in its time. The SETI project, in which scientists would send out radio signals to space and then wait and listen with a vast radio telescopic network for signals that resembled coded intelligence, launched in the 1960s. Back then, they were really certain they'd pick something up but as the years went by, the deafening silence from the rest of the universe simply meant that they (or rather, we) are really alone in this universe (u know what, writing about SETI actually got me curious so I went and googled about it. Turns out Congress defunded SETI IN 1993 but the search continues on private funds, probably by groups of atheists and fans of IFLS website) and that they should really give up (and they eventually did, sort of).

Ok maybe I digress a bit. 

The point is if the odds of me finding the GOMD was, at that time, say, a septillion to one i.e. 1 followed by 24 zeros, then as the years went by, the odds will also increase with time (since I was giving out signals to the rest of the known universe and not getting any back)  and therefore at that very moment before we met... The odds of me finding the GOMD was like an octillion to one, which is
1 followed by 27 zeros! 

OK so that's not the point I'm trying to get to  but I'm almost there. Bear with me, just a little longer.

The thing is I found out later that those 27 qualities weren't enough to make the GOMD. You see in order to make the GOMD, the conditions had to be perfect and specific... And that was when I found out that it's not just 27 specific qualities but 57820! All of which had to be met exactly or the GOMD would never came to be! So taking all of that into account, the odds of me finding the GOMD who would be perfect for me was close to a terrazillion to one, and that's like... I dunno how many zeroes!!!

OK more metaphors... But I'm getting there! You'll see! 

It's like the Big Bang/Evolution vs Creation theory you see... For our world to be formed, it had to meet all 2037489 known parameters necessary for a planet to support life (Intelligent design, anyone?). Miss any one of those, even by a nano fraction, and the whole thing falls apart! In fact the odds against life in the universe is so astonishing that to claim all this came to be by accident, like a freak of nature, entirely left to chance, would seem absurd, don't u think? It would be easier to believe that an intelligence created these perfect conditions than to believe that the life-sustaining Earth and the universe just happened to beat all that inconceivable odds, right? 

Well, that's just what it is. Because against all odds, I found you. And you've met all the other criteria (yes, the other 57793 my 15 year old self didn't even think to conceive). I didn't even know what were all the specific conditions in order for the GOMD to exist. I had no idea what would make her perfect for me... Until I met you, and you are perfect for me. 

How then can anyone say that you and me "just happened" by chance? The notion that we just happened to meet and fall in love with each other and then find out we are everything (and more) we ever wanted in another is like random numbers/forces/atoms hitting/colliding at each other seems to defy common sense itself, and I refuse to believe that. 

And if the planet we live in, and the universe that contains it must be created by a Supreme Intelligence, then surely our chance (which is no chance at all, but rather, fate) meeting must be pre-arranged by that very same Being, and that being (no pun intended) God, then surely 2014; the year we finally got married, is by no mistake what God has intended for us, right? 

Going by that theory, we have no reason to fear what comes tomorrow (which happens to be the year 2015) because we know who holds our futures in His hands. I believe God brought you into my life. That He created the heavens and the Earth (and the rest of the universe) and then created you for me, and me for you. It's weird (by the world's standard) to be as happy as we are together. And its only normal to fear that this happiness cannot last forever (going by, once again, the worldly standards). But because He lives, I know we can make it through anything. 

I think I finally made my point (you got it, right? Didn't you?). So yeah... I love you darling. And I'm so glad you're in my life. Even more so that you're my wife. 

Happy New Year my love. Let's face 2015 together and be awesome!

I Never Wanted

I never wanted
And I never cared before
Now take it all back
This is a new day

How I long to regress
To the days before I took upon myself
The obsessions of this world
A day of innocence equating beauty
For tomorrow may fall
And today is already gone

Now take it back
This is a new day

I've grown tired of chasing
Convinced I was in need
And now the years I've spent
Only a slave to this
Tomorrow may fall
And today is already gone
I will no longer adore
These things that will never satisfy me

I have seen my world change
And then go back to where it came
In this vicious circle
We are all brought back to life
Only to die again
But without these barren obsessions
I am simply free


- As I Lay Dying

On Saving & Reloading

It was a steel-cold night. One that has been silent thus far. Silence which I intend to break with the dual-baretta in my hands. The elevator doors opened and I walked in. With the elevator music nagging at my ears, I checked my firearms, making sure they're locked and loaded. I didn't wanna disappoint. The elevator music... What a way to break tension. I waited as the elevator slowly rose to the top flow. I found myself tapping my feet unwillingly to the beat of the music. Heck, might as well enjoy it. It might be the last thing I ever hear. I looked at the dial as the the number approaches "13". They couldn't have chosen a better number. These mad men. These... animals. They think they've got nothing to fear. Sure, the cops couldn't touch them cos Kingpin's got every cop in this city corrupted by his dirty money. All, save for one. And tonight, I will teach them to fear again. I will make music with my guns, and they shall know Triskaidekaphobia once more!!!

The electronic buzzer sounded, announcing my arrival. Time to rain judgement on the wicked! AUTOSAVE. The doors opened up slowly, dual-baretta ready, I dashed out into a large room, an antechamber of sorts. Five henchmen stood at the other end, the shock on their faces tells me I wasn't expected. They fumbled for their firearms but I was faster. I fired snap shots from my dual baretta as I ran for the pillar. A few of the 9mm rounds hit home. One down. Four to go. By now, they've gotten ready and probably positioned themselves strategically behind those conveniently-placed crates for cover. I risked a peep. Shots were fired, a hail of bullets stormed in my direction. I hurriedly ducked back behind cover. Bullets ricocheted off the walls behind me. The pillar in front shook with a ground-shaking force. Dust kicked up from the broken walls like a mini sandstorm. I mustn't wait here too long.
 
Risking it like a man with nothing to lose (which, indeed happens to be the case) I jumped out of cover and shoot-dodged to the side. BULLET-TIME. All of a sudden, I've become aware of my very own heartbeat.  It was as though someone's pumped up the volume and now my heart is pumping from my ears. As I float across the room in midair, I fired a few more rounds into one of the henchmen holding a pump-action shotgun. The bullets connected with his torso, a burst of red mist escaped from his back. He flopped lifelessly (as would Ragdoll Physics TM allow) unto the ground, three more to go. I tried to shift my aim to the other henchman, the bald one holding an Uzi, but I lost my line of sight as I landed on the ground behind another one of those conveniently-laid crates. SAVE GAME.

A burst of semi-automatic fire whizzed past me, missing me by just a finger-breadth. I popped out of cover to return the favour, but my shots never met a target. He's ducked behind cover. There was confetti all over the room now, adding to the mini sand storm. In the heat of the chaos, I failed to notice that one of them had moved behind one of the lateral pillars just outside my temporal field of vision, as I focussed anteriorly. I also failed to notice as he fired a snapshot at me from the side. It tore across my left shoulder, lacerated my deltoid. The sheer pain was overwhelming. I fell to the ground, clutching the open wound with my other hand, the baretta now covered in slick red blood. I lost 25% health. How annoying. LOAD GAME.

I find myself once again ducked behind the crate. Only this time, I knew that a genius has sneaked to the pillar on my left. I trained my pistol at the pillar, trigger finger waiting for a head to pop out from the corner. Mr.Genius stuck his head out as expected. I fired. The bullet travelled straight to his forehead, and exited through his ociput. A satisfying head shot. Two left; One bald guy with an Uzi, and one with a desert eagle. Shots were still being fired at phantom targets, creating bullet marks along the paperwalls. Smoke filled the room, and with it, the rusted stench of burnt iron casings. I waited for the firing to die down. SAVE GAME.

Finally, it came: The unmistakable pause. The clang of empty shell casings hitting the floor as the weapons got reloaded. This is my chance! I stood up and emptied my remaining rounds into the bald guy's chest, and ran for cover behind another crate. The pump-action shotgun from one of the guys I killed earlier laid on the ground beside me. Grinning to myself uncontrollably, I tossed my empty weapon away and picked up the shotgun. Time to eat lead, people!!! SAVE GAME. I got out from behind the crate and scanned the area for the last remaining target. The room was now in a mess. Smashed-up crates, most of them reduced to splinters, littered the floor. There weren't many places left to hide. Especially not from the hungry shotgun, now sitting comfortably in my hands. And yet, the last remaining foe managed to escape me. Where could he be?

Like a bad joke, the answer to my question came at me in a form of a desert eagle pressed to my cheek. I didn't have time to respond as he squeezed the trigger. There was a thermonuclear blast of pain as I feel my head literally explode. My vision turned red as my headless body, driven by the inertia, spun around three-sixty degrees before it too, flopped to the ground. Next thing I know, I was looking at myself, in third-person perspective. A limp, dead body, like a ragdoll, lying in a pool of blood. Heck. Death is a minor inconvenience for a hero! LOAD GAME!!!

Once again, shotgun in hand, and more resolute than ever. I got up and headed straight for the broken pillar by the huge door.  The last henchman was ducking behind the pillar, clutching his desert eagle like a woman's handbag. He obviously wasn't expecting me to walk right into his hiding place. With one buck shot, I passed swift judgement on the criminal. I headed into the next room, where I found Kingpin covering in fear behind an antique table. He begged me for mercy, and I complied by sending him to meet his Maker with my shotgun. Such is the Emperor's mercy! :)
Looking out the window from the now dead druglord's office, I thought to myself "Man, what would I do without a SAVE/LOAD GAME feature?"

***

But seriously, I wish I had the SAVE/LOAD GAME feature in real life. This would be a good time to... LOAD GAME!!