Shall I Compare Thee to Time-Dilatation?

Darling, do you remember our talk about Time Dilatation? I think we discussed it (in great lengths) shortly after watching the movie, Interstellar.

It's a theory in relativity which,  according to Wikipedia, is defined as "a difference of elapsed time between two events as measured by observers either moving relative to each other or differently situated from a gravitational mass or masses."

Simply put (kindly bear with my own somewhat noobish understanding, mostly based on having read science fiction growing up) it's a cosmic event that causes two individuals to perceive (or rather, experience) time differently, usually due to the difference in their locality (where they are in the galaxy),  the speed in which one is travelling through space (especially where FTL speed is involved), or in the case of what happened in Interstellar; the difference in gravity (i.e. time moves slower where gravity is greater so that if a person is near a black hole, where gravity is so massive that nothing can escape, not even light, time gets slowed to a halt)

In the movie, Cooper, the protagonist, fears that he might never see his daughter Murph again because as he travels near a giant black hole, time is slower for him than it is for Murph. Thus while Cooper only ages a few hours, Murph, on Earth, is aging eight decades!

In the same way, whenever I'm with you, time seems to behave differently as well. It really shouldn't. I mean, after all, apart from the strong "gravitational pull" of the physical attraction we have for each other (which really doesn't apply to the science of relativity or time dilatation), we're both experiencing the same gravitational force on Earth as everybody else, so really, time shouldn't move any different for us than it does for everyone else in this world.

Yet, whenever we're together, time seems to slow down around us, but moves at the normal speed for the rest of the world. Once we're apart and time gets adjusted, it seems like more time has passed than we've actually experienced. You know what I mean, right? You used to say that it feels as though time moves a lot faster whenever we're together i.e. like when we were still dating, an entire day would go by and yet feel as if we've only spent an hour or two together. But in actuality our time is moving slower than everyone else!

Basically,when we're together, it's like we're on Gargantua (and experiencing time as Cooper did) while everyone else on Earth was experiencing normal time (like Murph did).

But. What causes it???

I've given this much thought and then, one day, it hit me like an epiphany! Remember what happened in the movie when it was revealed that the only force greater than gravity (and time itself) was... You guessed it! Love?

And that explains everything! It's the great love I have for you (which is even greater than the Earth's gravity!) that causes time to slow down whenever we're together!

And that's why even though it feels like it was only yesterday that we had that first date at that fancy Italian restaurant near your old work place in KL and I asked you if you believed in "love at first sight" and you said no, and I said "neither do i" and wham! 6 years have gone by (was it 6 years? All this time dilatation is confusing me) and woah! DARLING! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR ONE YEAR!

It's amazing how you still make time stand still for me whenever we're together. Especially when we're having so much fun together. You're the only person I can talk to about anything (also about the only person in the world who would layan my Sci-fi theories) and I love that about you. Let's keep the Force (Love) strong in us and continue to bend Time and Space Continuum (Oh but that's another theory for another day) whenever we're together! I love you darling, and now that you're my wife, I shall love you forever more! Happy 1st year anniversary my love.

DISCLAIMER: I just realised that this post may have contained spoilers for those who have yet to watch Interstellar, the movie. So if I did spoil the movie for you I'll just have to say... Too bad! You weren't the target recipient of this letter/post anyway. This was originally intended for my wife's eyes only, and she's already watched the movie anyway. No hard feelings.

Incision & Drainage

There is a disease
That corrupts the core
Swelling pustules
Filled with hate
A putrid scent
Overwhelms the senses
Clouds judgement
Gnaws the conscience.
A disgusting shadow
Vile immorality
A nagging pain
So deep within
Ugly, irregular
Undying, malignant
Angry, Infected
Selfish and proud

This part of me
It needs incision
My bleeding thoughts
Must be cauterized.
Drain out the scum
This foul perception
The burning desire
The spreading cancer
The old is gone,
the new has come
Burnt flesh, remnants
Left on the ground.
I bite my tongue
Block out the pain
A sharp tipped scalpel
Cut myself free

When at last I
Awake to smell of petrichor
Cleansed of filth
Cured of disease
I walk away
And leave behind
A rotten carcass
My former self

A Scientific Creationist's Love Letter

Random ramblings of a bored clinician in the wee hours of a new year... 

Remember how I said 2014, for the most parts, was going to be remembered as the year we planned our wedding? Well, I guess I was right... For the most parts. 

But 2014 will also be remembered as the year I finally got married to the Girl of My Dreams (GOMD). Yes. I just said it. I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but when I was younger I once wrote a list of 27 things I'd expect to find in the GOMD. The list included shallow things like how she'd be pretty and kind and God-loving etc, to specific (and somewhat peculiar) stuff like how she can speak really good english, how she'd totally get my brand of humour, how I'd expect her to be able to speak in a thick British accent and how she's exactly 32% sarcastic, 25% a hipster etc etc. 

The thing is (and little did I know) I've gone ahead and set the bar pretty high for myself. In fact it may seem a little out of my reach even at that time. So I set myself out on an adventure (or a vendetta, I would sometimes convince myself) in search for the GOMD. At first, the search was filled with much enthusiasm and spirit, but hope of such a discovery began to wane with time. I would equate my predicament to the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (otherwise known as the SETI project), which was a really big thing back in its time. The SETI project, in which scientists would send out radio signals to space and then wait and listen with a vast radio telescopic network for signals that resembled coded intelligence, launched in the 1960s. Back then, they were really certain they'd pick something up but as the years went by, the deafening silence from the rest of the universe simply meant that they (or rather, we) are really alone in this universe (u know what, writing about SETI actually got me curious so I went and googled about it. Turns out Congress defunded SETI IN 1993 but the search continues on private funds, probably by groups of atheists and fans of IFLS website) and that they should really give up (and they eventually did, sort of).

Ok maybe I digress a bit. 

The point is if the odds of me finding the GOMD was, at that time, say, a septillion to one i.e. 1 followed by 24 zeros, then as the years went by, the odds will also increase with time (since I was giving out signals to the rest of the known universe and not getting any back)  and therefore at that very moment before we met... The odds of me finding the GOMD was like an octillion to one, which is
1 followed by 27 zeros! 

OK so that's not the point I'm trying to get to  but I'm almost there. Bear with me, just a little longer.

The thing is I found out later that those 27 qualities weren't enough to make the GOMD. You see in order to make the GOMD, the conditions had to be perfect and specific... And that was when I found out that it's not just 27 specific qualities but 57820! All of which had to be met exactly or the GOMD would never came to be! So taking all of that into account, the odds of me finding the GOMD who would be perfect for me was close to a terrazillion to one, and that's like... I dunno how many zeroes!!!

OK more metaphors... But I'm getting there! You'll see! 

It's like the Big Bang/Evolution vs Creation theory you see... For our world to be formed, it had to meet all 2037489 known parameters necessary for a planet to support life (Intelligent design, anyone?). Miss any one of those, even by a nano fraction, and the whole thing falls apart! In fact the odds against life in the universe is so astonishing that to claim all this came to be by accident, like a freak of nature, entirely left to chance, would seem absurd, don't u think? It would be easier to believe that an intelligence created these perfect conditions than to believe that the life-sustaining Earth and the universe just happened to beat all that inconceivable odds, right? 

Well, that's just what it is. Because against all odds, I found you. And you've met all the other criteria (yes, the other 57793 my 15 year old self didn't even think to conceive). I didn't even know what were all the specific conditions in order for the GOMD to exist. I had no idea what would make her perfect for me... Until I met you, and you are perfect for me. 

How then can anyone say that you and me "just happened" by chance? The notion that we just happened to meet and fall in love with each other and then find out we are everything (and more) we ever wanted in another is like random numbers/forces/atoms hitting/colliding at each other seems to defy common sense itself, and I refuse to believe that. 

And if the planet we live in, and the universe that contains it must be created by a Supreme Intelligence, then surely our chance (which is no chance at all, but rather, fate) meeting must be pre-arranged by that very same Being, and that being (no pun intended) God, then surely 2014; the year we finally got married, is by no mistake what God has intended for us, right? 

Going by that theory, we have no reason to fear what comes tomorrow (which happens to be the year 2015) because we know who holds our futures in His hands. I believe God brought you into my life. That He created the heavens and the Earth (and the rest of the universe) and then created you for me, and me for you. It's weird (by the world's standard) to be as happy as we are together. And its only normal to fear that this happiness cannot last forever (going by, once again, the worldly standards). But because He lives, I know we can make it through anything. 

I think I finally made my point (you got it, right? Didn't you?). So yeah... I love you darling. And I'm so glad you're in my life. Even more so that you're my wife. 

Happy New Year my love. Let's face 2015 together and be awesome!

I Never Wanted

I never wanted
And I never cared before
Now take it all back
This is a new day

How I long to regress
To the days before I took upon myself
The obsessions of this world
A day of innocence equating beauty
For tomorrow may fall
And today is already gone

Now take it back
This is a new day

I've grown tired of chasing
Convinced I was in need
And now the years I've spent
Only a slave to this
Tomorrow may fall
And today is already gone
I will no longer adore
These things that will never satisfy me

I have seen my world change
And then go back to where it came
In this vicious circle
We are all brought back to life
Only to die again
But without these barren obsessions
I am simply free


- As I Lay Dying

On Saving & Reloading

It was a steel-cold night. One that has been silent thus far. Silence which I intend to break with the dual-baretta in my hands. The elevator doors opened and I walked in. With the elevator music nagging at my ears, I checked my firearms, making sure they're locked and loaded. I didn't wanna disappoint. The elevator music... What a way to break tension. I waited as the elevator slowly rose to the top flow. I found myself tapping my feet unwillingly to the beat of the music. Heck, might as well enjoy it. It might be the last thing I ever hear. I looked at the dial as the the number approaches "13". They couldn't have chosen a better number. These mad men. These... animals. They think they've got nothing to fear. Sure, the cops couldn't touch them cos Kingpin's got every cop in this city corrupted by his dirty money. All, save for one. And tonight, I will teach them to fear again. I will make music with my guns, and they shall know Triskaidekaphobia once more!!!

The electronic buzzer sounded, announcing my arrival. Time to rain judgement on the wicked! AUTOSAVE. The doors opened up slowly, dual-baretta ready, I dashed out into a large room, an antechamber of sorts. Five henchmen stood at the other end, the shock on their faces tells me I wasn't expected. They fumbled for their firearms but I was faster. I fired snap shots from my dual baretta as I ran for the pillar. A few of the 9mm rounds hit home. One down. Four to go. By now, they've gotten ready and probably positioned themselves strategically behind those conveniently-placed crates for cover. I risked a peep. Shots were fired, a hail of bullets stormed in my direction. I hurriedly ducked back behind cover. Bullets ricocheted off the walls behind me. The pillar in front shook with a ground-shaking force. Dust kicked up from the broken walls like a mini sandstorm. I mustn't wait here too long.
 
Risking it like a man with nothing to lose (which, indeed happens to be the case) I jumped out of cover and shoot-dodged to the side. BULLET-TIME. All of a sudden, I've become aware of my very own heartbeat.  It was as though someone's pumped up the volume and now my heart is pumping from my ears. As I float across the room in midair, I fired a few more rounds into one of the henchmen holding a pump-action shotgun. The bullets connected with his torso, a burst of red mist escaped from his back. He flopped lifelessly (as would Ragdoll Physics TM allow) unto the ground, three more to go. I tried to shift my aim to the other henchman, the bald one holding an Uzi, but I lost my line of sight as I landed on the ground behind another one of those conveniently-laid crates. SAVE GAME.

A burst of semi-automatic fire whizzed past me, missing me by just a finger-breadth. I popped out of cover to return the favour, but my shots never met a target. He's ducked behind cover. There was confetti all over the room now, adding to the mini sand storm. In the heat of the chaos, I failed to notice that one of them had moved behind one of the lateral pillars just outside my temporal field of vision, as I focussed anteriorly. I also failed to notice as he fired a snapshot at me from the side. It tore across my left shoulder, lacerated my deltoid. The sheer pain was overwhelming. I fell to the ground, clutching the open wound with my other hand, the baretta now covered in slick red blood. I lost 25% health. How annoying. LOAD GAME.

I find myself once again ducked behind the crate. Only this time, I knew that a genius has sneaked to the pillar on my left. I trained my pistol at the pillar, trigger finger waiting for a head to pop out from the corner. Mr.Genius stuck his head out as expected. I fired. The bullet travelled straight to his forehead, and exited through his ociput. A satisfying head shot. Two left; One bald guy with an Uzi, and one with a desert eagle. Shots were still being fired at phantom targets, creating bullet marks along the paperwalls. Smoke filled the room, and with it, the rusted stench of burnt iron casings. I waited for the firing to die down. SAVE GAME.

Finally, it came: The unmistakable pause. The clang of empty shell casings hitting the floor as the weapons got reloaded. This is my chance! I stood up and emptied my remaining rounds into the bald guy's chest, and ran for cover behind another crate. The pump-action shotgun from one of the guys I killed earlier laid on the ground beside me. Grinning to myself uncontrollably, I tossed my empty weapon away and picked up the shotgun. Time to eat lead, people!!! SAVE GAME. I got out from behind the crate and scanned the area for the last remaining target. The room was now in a mess. Smashed-up crates, most of them reduced to splinters, littered the floor. There weren't many places left to hide. Especially not from the hungry shotgun, now sitting comfortably in my hands. And yet, the last remaining foe managed to escape me. Where could he be?

Like a bad joke, the answer to my question came at me in a form of a desert eagle pressed to my cheek. I didn't have time to respond as he squeezed the trigger. There was a thermonuclear blast of pain as I feel my head literally explode. My vision turned red as my headless body, driven by the inertia, spun around three-sixty degrees before it too, flopped to the ground. Next thing I know, I was looking at myself, in third-person perspective. A limp, dead body, like a ragdoll, lying in a pool of blood. Heck. Death is a minor inconvenience for a hero! LOAD GAME!!!

Once again, shotgun in hand, and more resolute than ever. I got up and headed straight for the broken pillar by the huge door.  The last henchman was ducking behind the pillar, clutching his desert eagle like a woman's handbag. He obviously wasn't expecting me to walk right into his hiding place. With one buck shot, I passed swift judgement on the criminal. I headed into the next room, where I found Kingpin covering in fear behind an antique table. He begged me for mercy, and I complied by sending him to meet his Maker with my shotgun. Such is the Emperor's mercy! :)
Looking out the window from the now dead druglord's office, I thought to myself "Man, what would I do without a SAVE/LOAD GAME feature?"

***

But seriously, I wish I had the SAVE/LOAD GAME feature in real life. This would be a good time to... LOAD GAME!!

An Unlikely Introduction

I walk a path of no return, where I am tasked to master the Art, to the exclusion of all else. I have turned my back on all that I was and all I could have ever been as I die to self, and dedicate my existence solely to the Path. My blessing will become my curse, as where the Path ends it does not intersect. The bridges are burnt. There will be but only strife. Such is the fate of the Houseman...

Such is the Life that awaits me. But I still have half a year before such a fate befalls me. So I blog. What about I do not know. But what the heck, why do I even bother explaining myself?

 ...
......

Alright, as much as I would like to maintain a totally awesome dark tone for the rest of this post and give everyone the impression that I'm some emo dude clad in a brown trench coat who wears an ink-blotted mask as a face and has like the coolest monologue ever (plus an attitude to go with it!), I simply cannot. Cos that wouldn't be right. Cos then this wouldn't be my blog. So maybe I have to take a totally different approach to this yes? Alright, so I blog... What about? Darn. The first post eh? Possibly the most significant post despite being the one that no one actually reads... I think I'm expected to write an introductory post yes? Darn, I don't remember Rorschach giving a self-introductory monologue. In fact, all the cool characters never do. They just start off with something like "Last night, a comedian died in New York" and not "Hi, I am Rorschach,  a superhero with no real super powers. But I got a supercool monologue and this is the story of my life!"

This is so not happening

But it has to. Cos being uncool is inevitable in my case. And so, I should stop defying gravity. I shall begin... Finally!

I am known as Jickson, a 5th year medical student with no super powers until I graduate. Now, this is the part where whosoever (if there be anyone at all) actually took the trouble to read all the way till here gets disappointed cos after putting up with such a long and lengthy but mostly insignificant prelude... I end my introduction with no less than two words: Nuff said!

So there! This is me. I have a new blog! After having stopped blogging for approx 4-5 years. After having died for approx 4-5 years. I AM BACK!!! BTW, I've gotten kinda rusty to the whole idea of blogging... even writing for that matter. So yeah... I'm gonna take a while to decide what I really wanna write about so until then... Chill OUT.